someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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