I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
