Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
