Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
