Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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