Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
