We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
