I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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