when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
