You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize