Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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