I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
