im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
