if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
