my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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