I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
