maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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