what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
