eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
