there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
