fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
