i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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