You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
