i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
