I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
