i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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