have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
