you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
