I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
