i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
