If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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