did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
