biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
