wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
