He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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