just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
