I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize