bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
