Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
