Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
