Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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