Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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