I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
