Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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