Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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