either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
