I didn't shave. On purpose
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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