the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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