I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize