I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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