So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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