At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dear god my vagina.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
