How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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