My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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