you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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