So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
