I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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