Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
