So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize