Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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