I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
