Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize