You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
