im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
