He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well you can't waste a boner
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
