it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
