Whod you bang
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
