That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
