i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Semen is not good for contacts.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
