i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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