Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
