Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
