It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize